Lil Yachty – Teenage Emotions Review; 1 DYKE

Wow, so brown people are going off. I think I need to disconnect from the terror online. New Lil Yacthy album. Listen y’all, after what happened to Ariana, I won’t be putting any more money into the music industry. Download a zip, 167 MB courtesy of 9xmaza. Piracy ftw.

Trippy opening. I can’t decide if Lil boat is deep or has down syndrome. LOL this kid really doesn’t know about biggie? I can literally feel Yachty’s giant nigger lips on my earbuds. Such conflicting feelings about him. And what is this cover art?

Yachty says he’s the champion of the loosers. Wonder why this album is overflowing with misogyny. Catchy elementary rhymes. Lyricism probably at K-3. Sigh. Might as well get faded if I’m gonna commit to this thing.


FLOWS

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Ugh Yahcty is trying so hard to be hard. You aren’t a thug. I don’t even know if you qualify as an ATLIEN at this point. Justin Bieber is blacker than Yachty, and Justin is a choloPeek A Boo Migos feature definitely a highlight. Quavo is fire,  special shout out to our favorite light skinned. Christ, back to Yachty.

Say My Name. Yes! Finally some island beats. This is your lane Boat, stay in it. Makes a strong case for best Future clone on Running With a Ghost. Weird story line in this song. Dude, if a shawty is running away it means she isn’t DTF. You ain’t Aquaman.

Obviously Yachty is speaking to his generation. Seriously though, if this is what our future leaders are listening to we are fucked. Stop mumbling and open your mouth Yachty. Such a shame this kid was vaccinated.

FEELS

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His attempts to sexualize himself just seem pushy. Getting  a bit too Cosby for my taste. Right around Dirty Mouth I want to turn this shit off. Dude, do you even remember 1 nite? You don’t have to wife a ho, but at least treat her like a fucking human!

People talk about how rappers are gay nowadays. I can only hope Yachty is a lesbian. Needs to invite his flaming self to Toronto Pride. There won’t be no police, so hopefully he won’t get Treyvon’d.

FYI redeems Boaty. Solid bars, fun instrumental that bangs believably. PAUSE, Yachty, you definitely homo, don’t even front. Part of his appeal is just the ridiculousness. Some of these lines can not be serious. “Bougie yellow bitch / Look like vanilla wafers” HAHAAH, apologies to our redbone readers.

FUNK

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Forever Young is actually solid. Of course Diplo made this. Whole album could use more of this carefree, funky, Caribbean stuff. I should really skip through this and pretend I listened to all of it… too damn long. Nice Othello shout out in Lady in Yellow.

80’s emulation is embarrassing. The sailing team always had corny production, but this is like catching my little brother jerking it to throwback Molly Ringwald. Wherever Yachty’s musical talent went, he needs to Bring it Back.

Ends it pretty nicely. Gets all pseudo Drake and pensive. Wow, actual positivity towards a female in a rap song. Yachty needs to extend the love for his mom to all women. Or at least to white chicks. Not asking for miracles here.


Was actually excited to review this. But just can’t connect to these Teenage Emotions. I’m 21 years old, I only relate to teenagers when scoping out high school parties. Sure, it was good in the moment, but left me feeling empty afterwards. Too depressed for this shit. Get out of my face with this mediocre excuse for music, people are fucking dying Yatchty!!! You do not have the answers.

Wow, that was a lot. Probably jealous of this guys. Kid is younger than I am. Right, so this playlist belly flopped. Kind of trash that makes sea creatures die. Yachty needs to get sent back to the Handmaids Tale and drowned at birth. Still, if you feel like wasting an hour and some, worth a spin.

xfistxfistxfistxfistxfist-5/5 Nigga rating. Immediate revoking of black privileges issued. If you see this cracker in the streets, please lynch. Disgrace to the entire ape species.

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